3-4-3017 – A Word to the Wise: As a counselor, I have seen many newly married people unable to understand why they feel incompatible. After all, they say they lived together two years before they got married, just to see if they would be compatible. It seems marriage wipes out the prior adjustment. The nature of the marriage relationship begins with a covenant, which brings certain pledges, privileges, and responsibilities. These pledges provide the foundation for intimacy. One finds intimacy difficult in an atmosphere of insecurity. Satan knows he cannot duplicate the sense of pleasure and contentment that is possible in marriage. Thus he masks the purpose of sex by focusing on the outward appearance of woman and the ability to entangle the man in a web of lies. These lies lead to sexual addiction, for the imitation lacks the satisfaction of the real thing. The real thing brings fulfilling companionship. Because Satan’s substitute does not work, it is sought repeatedly in hopes of attaining that which it promises, but fails to deliver. Understanding this principle leads to the discovery that no immoral person possesses true knowledge of the Lord’s precious gift. God does not give knowledge of good to evil people. Satan perverts good and delivers as a substitute an immoral act incapable of providing a real sense of companionship. Instead, it provides just the opposite—a deep sense of emptiness and loneliness, making one hunger and yearn even more intensely.

3-3-2017 – A Word to the Wise: What if problems develop? Perhaps a mismatch occurs. Maybe a fit does not happen. The situation can be corrected, even late in marriage, as long as no one else has been brought into the relationship. But I assure you that if two people spend that first year putting their mate first— sacrificing, discovering, and providing, there will not be another person who can seriously challenge that marriage. Who would you suppose is the best person to instruct in sexual matters if not the newly married couple?? Some men and a few women would suggest a prostitute might be a good candidate, someone well experienced in the sexual appetite and how it is to be satisfied. There was a program filmed a few months ago where a mother concerned about her son’s future, took him to a house of prostitution when he was fifteen to learn about sex. Is this the best solution? Or perhaps someone trained like the courtesans of Oriental background. They possess superior knowledge, or do they? I would submit that the most naive virgin possesses more pure knowledge of such things than any of these. As startling as it may seem, those who misuse and abuse sex have no real knowledge of it. Since sex was by the Lord and not by Satan, true understanding must flow from the source. Certain things are known about God and may be trusted. One of the most trustworthy is that God does not reveal his truths to the evil one, nor in the hands of the evil one will one discover the paths of life. One must seek knowledge of sex from its Creator, not its perverter. God is the source of all knowledge. I do not think for a moment that He would trust such knowledge to such wickedness. The Lord God gives important knowledge to the person in marriage who needs and desires such wisdom.

3-2-2017 – A Word to the Wise: Moreover, during the first year of marriage, a fit is made. A multiple of factors are involved—size, shape, depth, smell, and our brain cells commit to memory every little detail. Our spirits bond to that person in a manner that can never be duplicated. Sure, you can find the cheap variety pack that fits everyone, but it is just not the same. With what can we compare the fitting process that takes place in the marriage relationship? Perhaps to the embryo that grows in the mother’s womb for nine months—the immune system accepts the fetus and it grows to fit the mother. Or the fitting process might also be compared to buying a pair of shoes. As they are worn, they are broken in to fit that particular foot. A physical fitting occurs sexually in much this same way. Sure two people can have sex with many other people; they do it all the time, but it is not the same. Have you ever noticed the shape of women’s stockings when they come out of those little eggs? What happens when she puts them on? They now fit her. What if someone else puts her hose on? They do not fit properly. Sure, a woman can have sex with more than one man, but the fit is now generic, not unique. So, what occurs when there are a number of partners? A very poor fit. You can use pliers to loosen a bolt or the proper size wrench made to fit it. The pliers do the job, but the risk of damage is much greater. One can put a 100-watt bulb in a 40-watt socket, but the risk of fire is much greater. One may put a 100-watt bulb in a 300- watt socket, but the output is much dimmer. Notice in I Samuel, David met several wise women of reputation before marriage. These women were smart, intelligent, and wise until they married David; then they disappear from the pages of history. One among many means the woman has far less influence in the life of the husband. There is limited ability for fitting when prior relationships have occurred.

3-1-2017 – A Word to the Wise: Moreover, I would submit that what occurs during that first year of marriage with two people who are cooperating with God’s laws is indeed a one-of-a kind-experience, which cannot be repeated. The fitting process only happens once in our lifetime, and the fit can only be for those two people. Let us look at what is supposed to happen sexually during the first year of marriage, and how it is affected by multiple sex partners. Perhaps this will give us further insight into the uniqueness of one’s mate. The importance of the first year for the marriage is emphasized by God when He mandates that during the first year, the man is exempt from everything —to allow him to tend to the marital relationship. What does the couple discover during that first year? First, although the idea is appealing, the chief purpose of sex is not to have children. Sex meets man’s need for companionship, and is a reminder of those days in the garden when man communed with the Lord about the deeper things of life. One needs only to recall the intense satisfaction of discovery of spiritual truths to acknowledge the truth of this.

2-28-2017 – A Word to the Wise: The man makes himself very vulnerable to the woman he has sex with. Her knowledge of him has the potential to destroy him, if misused. By engaging in multiple relationships, the man hopes to weaken his fear and dilute the strength of the woman’s power over him. The woman, on the other hand, must have security if she is to allow this kind of penetration into her being. I suspect many at this point would say: “Nonsense. Sexual relations prior to marriage, or even the number of sex partners does not affect the marriage. Comparisons are used to show how different relationships make a better lover.” However, I would challenge you to think: If there is nothing to compare the sex act with other than one’s experience with one’s mate, then there are no competing or conflicting difficulties introduced into the relationship. If that experience is one of joy, then there is no desire for someone else.

2-27-2017 – A Word to the Wise: One cannot have premarital relations, be unfaithful in marriage, or have multiple marriages without paying a heavy price. This is one of the central problems that occur in blended families; they just do not mix. We often hear contradictory information as to why a person should wait for marriage to engage in the sexual relationship. I wonder if we really know why. Other than morally, are there reasons? The answer, I believe, lies in how God created woman. Built into her make up are the seeds for her being the fulfillment for her husband. During the first year of marriage, a bonding process occurs. It is a slow process to be sure, but if done properly, no other woman after that first year of marriage will be able to supplant the wife. This bonding process creates a union that emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually affects the couple. It is not founded on how they feel toward each other at the time of marriage. This process cannot begin outside the bonds of marriage, for there is no security for the man or the woman outside this bond. Security is the glue that holds the relationship together.

2-25-2017 – A Word to the Wise: VII. Relationships – Proverbs 5:18-19 “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely hind, a graceful doe. Let her affection fill you at all times with delight, be infatuated always with her love.” Sex is often sought after for its short-term effects. This may blind one to its long-term treasures. Sex is the cohesive material that holds a relationship together. It is not just an act or series of acts. Sex is an investment in the future—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Sex is an investment in each other’s heritage with an expectation of future return and increase compounded by the measure given.

2-24-2017 – A Word to the Wise: While my partner continued to talk to the suspect, I started through the apartment. It was dark. It was clean. In the first bedroom, a couple of children were asleep. The room was neat. In the back bedroom, obviously the master bedroom, the bed was still made and a woman’s purse was on the bed, which was strange. A woman rarely leaves home without her purse. I started back and flashed my light in the bathroom. There was blood all over the sink. I returned to the front of the apartment, went into the kitchen, and turned on the light. The sight was appalling. Blood was everywhere, in long streaks down the walls on the refrigerator, the cabinets, everywhere. An ironing board stood in the kitchen with blood on it, and beside it, a garbage can was half-filled with more bloody glass and an old iron, also covered with blood and hair. Bloody footsteps led to the back door and the staircase rails, and the steps were covered in streaks of blood. Returning to the living room and turning on the light, one could see wads of blood and hair on the floor. That is the thought that comes to mind when I read the scripture. Divorce is literally beating the person to death with blood splattering all over your clothes in the process. It is the children who suffer the most from this type of immorality. Is that not the conclusion you reach, as we have looked at the problems that the children experience who come from single-parent families?

2-23-2017 – A Word to the Wise: He quickly replied,” I was just cleaning up. Here step inside.” As we stepped inside, I noticed that the apartment was dark, but very clean. The cleanness was refreshing. “Can I speak to your wife?” I asked again. “She is not here.” “May I look and then we will be gone.” “Ok,” he said.

2-22-2017 – A Word to the Wise: There was no sound coming from the apartment except for a television turned low. Looking down, I saw a small garbage pail by the door half-full of bloody broken glass. I noticed he had blood and cuts on his hand. “What happened, I asked?