Christian Family Services Ministry

3-18-2023 – A Word to the Wise – PART 4

Men tend to not take the indebtedness seriously. A woman takes it very seriously, and will extract her price by one means or another, even if it means selling the debt to Satan. How does she do this? One method is bitterness. The other is cursing the man; a curse that is without cause has no effect. However, one that does have cause will bring harm, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Examples can be seen in sexually transmitted disease, mental and emotional illness, and spiritual weakness. One should not assume these are the only consequences. Ultimately, immorality utterly destroys the individual.

Proverbs outlines the stages of adultery. The first stage is a state of mind. This state of mind is ignorant of consequences and oblivious to the laws of God; a person looking for a good time bored with the routine of everyday life hoping to hide transgression under the cloak of darkness. This person knows what he is seeking, and the search is observable by others. It is observed in the eye, in the dress, facial expressions, non- verbal language and the dress of the predator. The person does not have to be a prostitute. It can be a bored housewife or a man just looking for a good time.

Often the path to adultery begins with the little things, such as the normal every day kindness of another, which we focus on and compare with the behavior of our spouse. Here are some sample statements given by clients in this initial state.

John, several years ago, was a client who was locked into a marriage with a selfish, self-centered wife, who was consumed with her own attractiveness. In the beginning, John tried to be giving and hold on to the biblical principles his parents had taught him. But the first indication of a breakdown in his moral judgments came when he was observed ‘admiring ‘ every female coming into his line of sight. He talked about how innocent this was and how all men do it. As time pasted, he started talking incessantly about a girl at work, which seemed to be very helpful. She would listen to him talk about his unfulfilling marriage. His complaints about his wife increased, compliments decreased, and his praise of Judy escalated. John, his family, Judy and her family quickly became aware of the high price of this mutual attention.

It takes a considerable amount of energy to engage in the emotional requirements of the pre-adulterous state. On the one hand you have the emotional desires toward the new friend which are somewhat fulfilling while on the other anger and hostility towards one’s spouse grow with accusations of the spouse’s unfitness for not meeting needs. Significant time spent engaging in this new relationship robs one’s family of valuable time, emotional, mental, and physical presence, and ones spiritual involvement. So, from the onset the investment made in the new relationship takes away from the old.

Warning signals from friends are ignored. Soon communication between the two is accomplished in every secret dark conceivable manner, at work or at home, at midday, or midnight. There is no more peace. The person involved in this kind of relationship tends to become highly irritable for no apparent reason. Often their behavior seems irrational or purposeless. Time once spent with family members is now spent with one’s lover. Relationships deteriorate, at home, at work, in the community, and in the church. When the hunt begins it is much like watching a moth flying close to a flame. The attempt is to get as close as possible without being burned. Few escapes unhurt.

The actual attempts at lovemaking create a huge chasm. Notably most experience this as a milestone in life, a dividing point, a great divide. Once the sexual relationship occurs the couple becomes aware that all things are different. The betrayal affects virtually every relationship in life, parents, friends, even enemies, but most importantly, one’s relationship with the Lord changes dramatically. To some, these changes can be very exciting. The excitement even becomes addictive. To others, the guilt is overwhelming, and the trite saying ‘the agony and the ecstasy,’ takes on a whole new personal meaning. Once this chasm has been crossed no one will escape unhurt. Even if a spouse has deliberately pushed the mate into the relationship, just to get rid of them, the consequences for everyone is overpowering.