Christian Family Services Ministry

7-22-2022 – A Word to the Wise – ON THE MOTIVATION GIFTS, AGAIN

Several years ago, I took some basic woodworking courses based on the Amish way of building furniture. We were taught 3 basic types of joints. One of those joints is what is called a dovetail. I do not know if being and Exhorter which is not a physical gift had anything to do with, but it has been impossible for me to learn how to make the dovetail. After hundreds of failures, I just gave up.

Mary and I have been married 58 years she is a Server. One of the traits I joke about is her tendency, and a tendency of all Servers, is to say things that do not make sense. These two gifts in many ways are incompatible. Example, Mary loves to do puzzles, I will not touch one, I could not put together a puzzle if my life depended on it. She insists that I help her. So, we compromised on one puzzle. It is one that is made up of the 50 States. The problem: she fits the pieces together, I on the other hand take the names of the different states and lay them out. We argue, she gets upset because she does not want a hundred pieces with names on them strung out on the board. I give up because I cannot fit the patterns together. Two totally different methods of solving a problem.

So, what does this have with the Motivational Gifts? It is exactly like life two different gifts find it difficult to communicate. Particularly if one is the physical gift and the other an emotional gift. Why did the Lord ever create this situation where opposites gifts tend to marry? Moreover, almost never should two people with the same gift marry!

The answer is so simple and profound it took my Prophet daughter to explain it to me. The emotional gifts (Prophet, Exhorter, Mercy) in contrast with the physical/Intellectual (Teacher, Giver, Server, Organizer) groups process things differently which leads to blocks or inability to understand each other. This results in confusion and frustration then anger and fault finding.

Example, take the emotional group they process life with a mixture of the intellectual and physical but emphasis the emotional significance. If they get sick, or hurt, then they can process it. If the physical group experiences hurt, pain, sorry it is a roadblock which they cannot process. Much like Job was not able to process what was going on in his world when it collapsed.

By now you are wondering how to bridge this gap. The Lord gave me the assignment several years ago. I try to get those I counsel to start the process, but few have the desire to keep it up.

There are two very different books, one for those who seek the Lord and one for those who don’t. The first is Francine Rivers “Redeeming Love.” The assignment, the couple reads the book out loud to each other. The individuals must not read ahead or by themselves. They do not have to discuss it but may. what happens is since the book is highly emotional, they find themselves engaged in emotional communication. They are not talking about their own problems. This is only step number one. After this book other books of a similar nature are chosen. If the couple and not Christians, I have them read “The Mountain Between Us.”

Biblically, a substitute are the encounters of Jesus in which he heals individuals. These assignments are to start the process of bridging the gap between the two worlds, physical/intellectual, and emotional. (To be continued).