Christian Family Services Ministry

3-4-2022 – A Word to the Wise – WHEN MARRIED TO A FOOL

In our time we find ourselves faced with complex marital problems. One of the more serious situations is when faced with being married to a fool. Yes, such situations exist. So as a Christian what steps does one take, and not take? It is important to recognize what one should do, and not do. The book of Proverbs is very clear about this situation lets investigate.

Prov. 20:3 ” it’s an honor to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be arguing.”

The spouse must both recognize and take responsibility for their own behavior. This circumstance warns that a key trait of foolishness is strife. One should not engage the angry behavior of the spouse. Doing so makes one a fool and at all costs you do not want to be the fool in these matters. So, clothe yourself in honor.

Furthermore, Prov. 25: 19

“Trust in a faithless person in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slides.” One of the chief traits of the fool is a lack of character, they are not trustworthy. So, avoid the consequences of placing or trusting such individuals. Living with a fool does not mean you have to trust them.

Next know: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Prov. 18:2 The biggest mistake I have seen in marriages where one of the spouses are foolish, is the mate wants to confront, chasten, condemn, find fault, try to correct, or teach. You must understand fools will not be corrected, and the only opinion important to them is their own.

Now we turn to even more specific details involved with working with foolishness.

One of my most favorite proverbs I suspect, I have quoted over 10,000 times, Prov. 9:7 “he who corrects a fool gets himself abuse.” Do not I say again; never, ever, correct a fool if you do your going to get hurt, it may be physical pain, intellectual hurt, or most certainly emotional suffering. Just do not do it, if you do, understand you will deserve the consequences.

There are other do not’s that I would encourage you to keep in mind.

Do not accept gifts from an angry spouse

Frequently a foolish spouse will recognize that the mate is disappointed with them for their behavior. To appease the disappointment, they will give a gift. Unfortunately, the spouse will take this as a sincere attempt to get right for bad behavior. It is not a recognition of bad behavior. The fool thinks you deserve the punishment handed out they just do not want the consequences of their behavior, so they attempt to appease you. Therefore, the proper response is to immediately return or refuse to accept any gifts regardless of its value. To accept a gift under this circumstance is to open yourself to intense hatred. Do not accept any gifts from a fool.

Moreover, do not accept praise from an angry or abusive spouse. The problem here is one interprets the praise as genuine; it is not the fool does not understand praise, its purpose or even its proper use. It is only an attempt to confuse and undermine the spouse. It is never genuine for fools has no concept of trustworthiness.

Often a mate will give something to a foolish spouse the hope being to influence and change behavior. Actually, the mate is hoping for something in return, kindness, acceptance, gratitude. It will never happen do not give expecting anything in return from a fool.

Being honest I can hear denial; my spouse is not a fool. So, what are some major attributes that define or point to foolishness, how may it be recognized? Some of the simple ones to see and will be contested are alcoholics, drug abusers (yes this includes marijuana), immorality (yes that includes porn), and a host of other addictions. These are key traits of foolishness.

It is imperative for the innocent spouse to learn and exercise their biblical and legal rights. Numerous times I have seen the innocent spouse refuse to exercise their legal rights under the law. Romans 13 points out that the laws of the state are given for our protection when we refuse to follow these laws then we put ourselves in the position of refusing God’s protection. When we do this then the consequences are our own.

In Texas and most other states one is required by law to report physical and emotional abuse. To not do so renders a person guilty under the law and responsible for the consequences.

Moreover, the church has certain responsibilities toward the innocent spouse but too often the church refuses to exercise intervention. Intervention that in some circumstances could have prevented serious injury or even death.

So, when married to a fool, be wise.