Christian Family Services Ministry

2-3-2021 – A Word to the Wise – I WANT TO ADDRESS RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS THAT OFTEN OCCUR:

To be direct discussing the difficulty will bring to light many examples from every person’s life. My examples come from dealing with a Server, while I am an Exhorter. But this occurs between any two individuals who do not have the same gift. That does not imply one should marry a person that has the same gift for that creates even more severe problems.

First, I will give and example out of my life, but it is only an example, you the reader will immediately have your own examples and the mistakes you encounter in much the same manner that I have.

Some of these examples will sound astoundingly ‘dumb’ but that only reflects the degree it might affect a relationship.

In the 9th grade I was required to take Algebra. Almost from the first day a term was used that I could not comprehend which led to a failure in the class twice. In fact twenty years later the Lord gave me a problem to solve which required a knowledge of Algebra. I did the assignment and the result was astounding.

I know this is going to sound ignorant on my part you will laugh until you understand the same thing has happened with you.

The word was ‘set’ that term reflects an important process in Algebra. I still do not understand the concept sixty years later. Do not laugh and try to ‘educate’ me. That is not the point.

Let me give you some examples that others have difficulties with. Almost universally Prophets do not understand paradox. It does not compute to them. The rest of us find it simple. We often find examples of paradox in scripture. Example Mark 1:40ff.

The Server does not process emotions (in fact several of the gifts have this problem) so when one of the emotional gifts encounter this difficulty it seems incomprehensible.

A book was written several years ago with the theme that some people have emotional IQ’s approaching zero. I concur.

Example, when you say love to a Server, it means action, do something. With a Mercy it means feel something. In real life the Mercy, and Exhorter find it impossible to bridge the gap for the physical gifts when discussing a feeling.

Starting to see the complexity of the problem? An example from my marriage. Do not mention this to my wife it would be like talking to me about ‘sets’ or a Prophet about paradox.

On second thought I better not tell the story I can just hear you laughing about it and calling her and she would be devastated. (I have managed to be married 57 years by keeping silent at times.)

But that shows you how deeply we may be affected by what others consider a problem easy to solve. These situations are not easy and in fact have been the root cause of many marital break ups.

As a counselor it has led to giving strange unusual odd, weird projects for clients to do. Years ago I encountered such a difficulty with a person and gave them a very simple task. They trusted me, did what I ask and after doing it they understood. (Since this person has a sense of humor and I would rather you laugh at them than me the assignment was to go to church barefooted! They did not understand why, but did it and it help solve the problem.

“See that was so much easier than telling my embarrassing moment.” However, if when that person looks back and sees the difference between what they were and what they are they would be astounded that such a simple task led to major relational changes.

My dilemma at this point is to give more serious examples of these type roadblocks caused by these situations, or just leave it for you to see it in your own relationships.

After consideration I have an example. I was raised in a situation that required that you wash clothes and then hang them outside to dry, after all it is free. My daughter thinks I am crazy, (and the HOA agrees they outlaw outdoor cloth lines) my wife has a different solution. She puts them in a dryer until they are 85% dry then hangs damp clothes on door knobs, chairs and other objects to finishing drying. None of the three of us comprehend the strange behavior of the other and any attempt to confront the odd behavior leads to a major battle.

Our purpose here is say all of us do and say things that may not make sense to others. It requires compassion and empathy on the part of each one of us when living with others.