Christian Family Services Ministry

10-28-2019 – A Word to the Wise – PART3 – STEPS TO RESOLVING ANGER

The physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual areas of our lives must all be involved if anger is to be fully resolved. The sequence in which these areas are addressed is not important. Eventually all four areas must be brought to maturity. If any area is neglected then the cycle will return. One may perceive of this process as putting on non-flammable garments. These non-flammable garments cover our mouths, minds, and spirits while clothing us in peace.

The Mind and Anger

Seven things occur in the realm of the intellect, which affect anger:

1. A person has to decide not to give oneself permission to get anger. Anger is predicated on a willful decision. This decision may be made in an instant of time, in days, or even years. Even as young children when hurt or disappointed, we struggle with the decision whether to be angry and act out or not.
2. The mind must choose to take responsibility for its anger. Even if the other party is 99.9% at fault for an offense, we must take full responsibility for our anger and its expression.
3. One must choose to see anger through the eyes of the one offended. Usually we excuse our anger, failing to feel what the other person sees and feels by our acting out. We detach ourselves from the pain we cause. We must choose to see, hear, and feel the results of our anger.
4. One should search for past offenses, which are similar to those in childhood. Situations, which were never resolved, and that are re-experienced or re-enacted in the present with attitudes, or behaviors, like those in the past.
5. Anger is often an indicator of past guilt over offenses towards others. Our anger is reminiscent of these sins.
6. Forbearance is a characteristic, which powerfully affects the angry mind. Scripture tells us to be slow to speak. Forbearance with others acts out this biblical injunction and stems the angry tide.
7. The chief trait, however, that protects the mind from the type of activity which leads to or breeds anger, is the quality of humility. Humbling one’s self removes the breeding ground for anger.

The Heart and Anger

The heart intensifies anger. The heart is the pressure cooker that takes the offense and magnifies it until it becomes as a raging forest fire. The steps to resolving anger and its cycle in the emotions are these:

1. Acquisition of Wisdom—this quality resides in the heart. The bible speaks of it as a trait of the heart as opposed to the mind. Wisdom, at its best, is seeing people and situations from God’s point of view. When wisdom is put aside then the heart seeks control. Feelings of expectations and fear of loss begin to rule. Wisdom, in contrast, sees the consequences for expressing anger, whether in what we say to others or ourselves. Wisdom cools the heart processes with soothing insights.
2. Meekness is the quality of the heart that corresponds to the characteristic of humility in the mind. Meekness seeks to divest one of self and seeks to place other’s first. With meekness comes strength. Strength is necessary to overcome the host of feelings, which are generated by rejection, loss, grief, etc.
3. Forgiveness from the heart is a difficult endeavor. Jesus gives us an example of this when He discusses with His adversaries the healing of a man with palsy on the Sabbath. He says, “Which is harder, to heal or to forgive?” The implication being that both are equally difficult. Both cost Jesus his life. One of the reasons we struggle with forgiveness is because we view it as something that is offered on an offense by offense basis. Someone wrongs me, then I either forgive or withhold forgiveness. While this might be handy, it is hardly healthy.
   Forgiveness should be a state in which our forgiveness is offered for past, present and future offenses. Even before the offense is committed, I have determined to forgive. After all, this is how the heavenly Father treats my offenses and the manner in which He expects that me to treat others.
   The Hiding Place is an excellent example of this principle at work. Corrie ten Boom and her sister were imprisoned in a concentration camp during World War II. During the year she is confined she talks about the difference between how she copes with various offenses by the Germans and how her sister deals with them.
   Corrie sees each offense as separate and struggles with each individually. Betsy lives in a state of forgiveness, which does not attempt to discern various offenses, but forgives them all. Because Betsy is not concerned with each individual offense then she is not weighed down with anger. Thus, mercy flows from Betsy to victims and perpetrators alike. The story ends with Betsy dying in the camp and her sister being released. During the next thirty years, Corrie ponders the lessons learned about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not only present or future; it is also an integral part of the past.