Christian Family Services Ministry

7-16-2018 – A Word to the Wise: MAKING INTERVENTIONS
Among those who misbehave who responds to Intervention? Who rejects any attempt to alter behavior? How does one discern the difference?

The rebellious are made up of the selfish, self-centered individuals some of which are immature and follow a foolish path. Others still are those who stubbornly hang on to rebellious ways without concern for the life of others.

Jesus tells us that He knows the heart of man, and insist that we should as well. He gives us the tools to make this evaluation. “but Jesus did not trust himself to them, because He knew all men and needed no one to bear witness of man, for he himself knew what was in man.” Jn. 2:24-25. So the first requirement is to know the heart of another. How may we know that?

“You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles? So every sound tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears evil fruit.” Mt. 7:16-17. Or again “Does a spring pour forth from the same opening fresh water and brackish? Can a fig tree, my brethren, yield olives, or grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.” James 3:11-12.

So what are the characteristics of the hard core rebellious person? What exactly are we to know? To do?

They are; …”men of perverted speech, who forsake the paths of righteousness to walk in the ways of darkness, who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of speech; men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways. Proverbs 2:12-15.
Typically, as early as their teens, some even earlier, disobey their parents. They constantly accuse the parent of not loving them if the parent does not meet every desire.
As adults, they lack integrity, they lie cheat steal from anyone that touches their lives. Frequently, they may be seen as obsessed with anger. The fruit produced in their lives is spoiled, self-centered without redeeming factors. They constantly demand that other give to them and refuse or do not know how to give to others.

The great mistake made by parents and others is that the helper tends to believe they may be fixed. All that is necessary is to convince the person of the long term consequences of such behavior. Sadly, this approach is counter to scripture and is set to failure from the beginning. Regardless parents, teachers, judges, and other continue to believe they are able to convince the rebellious of their folly, and somehow the person will turn aside.

Sadly, scriptures warns against such response and declare “he who corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.” Proverbs 9:7-8. I cannot even start to recount the numerous times I have tried to get parents, teachers, parole officers and other court representatives to see the failure of these responses. Over and over chances are given to the offenders, the criminals, the rebellious teens warnings which are ignored.

The question that faces us is why does such attempts fail? Why can the offender not see the long term consequences of their behavior?

The reality is the offender does see the consequences however what we fail to understand is that the offender weights the rewards of change over against the benefits of their behavior and they find that the rewards of dishonesty, immorality, anger far outweigh the benefits of change.

What one may ask, are the benefits of misbehavior?

First and foremost rebellious behavior allows the offender to control other people and situations. This is no small benefit. Think how helpless you feel in the presence of a rebellious person. How every word is turned against you. How every suggestion is subject to ridicule, and reduced to ashes.

Moreover, the one misbehaving gets attention. Attention which makes them feel important and invulnerable. It draws attention away from others causing righteous to feel unimportant. Exactly, how they are intended to feel at the hands of foolish men.
Misbehavior is rewarding in that it allows the person to get their way if they act out enough. This leads to feelings of superiority over others. Unfortunately, the one misbehaving avoids accountability for their misdeeds.

Who are these people? They are the rebellious teens, now grown in their 20’s and 30’s who spend the day playing games, drinking, drugging, and wasting the days away in endless recreational activities. Unable and unwilling to hold a job or provide for children born to their various girlfriends.

With these kind of benefits how will you be able to convince the person that it is far more rewarding to behave? Thus attempts to control, discipline, educate, the one misbehaving leads to failure.

One may inquire is the person able to change, of course? Will they change with all of these benefits, unlikely? Consider, if you felt justified, always had the ultimate say in any matter, the ability to control relationships, would you change?

So how does one deal with this narcissistic type behavior? First one must discern the likelihood of the person wanting to change. This is based on the type of behavior, how consequences are treated, and the rewards for change.

Why would any want to change? The Lord is unwilling for any to be lost so he places stumbling blocks in our paths to detour us away from the paths that lead to destruction. Some therefore hesitate at these road blocks long enough to reconsider their ways. One might even say some seeds of the kingdom have found their way into a bit of soil.
These are the one we focus on for they offer the highest hope of redemption. The first problem is one of selection. That means testing for sincerity. How is that to be done? Simply by their fruit you are to know them. Do they take great pleasure in recounting their misdeeds? When in mixed company do they ally themselves with the rebellious crowd? Excuse the past as the problem brought on by others? Do they still get thrills from their misdeeds? Do not waste your time energy, or resources.

In contrast does the person show remorse for past behavior? Accept responsibility for the consequences of their past misbehavior? These you may have some success with if your careful.