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Archive for September, 2023

A Word to the Wise

9-18-2023 – A Word to the Wise – After a while, your heart gets hardened to all the violence. It is not that you do not care rather just a sense of helplessness over what you see.

Element 342, May 5, 1984.

Very sad evening.

Shortly after leaving Southeast station, the emergency signal is emitted over the radio! “342 authorized code 3 on a shooting 3033 Grand.” The red lights light up passing cars, and the siren wails its mournful tone once again.

Silence rules as we both try to picture the location. “342, the suspect is a black male, 6’1, with a blue shirt and blue jeans.” Suspect has fled the scene after shooting his four-year-old daughter with a shotgun. ‘342 received.’ Pulling up to 3033 Grand, we hear cover elements approaching. Walking up to the porch, we first hear the screaming mother and then observe a young child lying in the living room covered with blood. The scene is indescribable.

Tim pulls the mother aside, and I kneel beside the little girl compressing a wound in her chest. Blood still streams from everywhere.

The ambulance pulls, and two medics run up, and they start first aid. The little child is immediately loaded into the ambulance.

Tim gets the information from the hysterical mother, and we go to the car.

He says that the mother and father had been arguing over money, and the father went and got his shotgun to threaten the mother. The suspect stepped out on the front porch, and his wife starts screaming at him again. He turned and fired through the front door striking the child. Throws the shotgun down and runs, then fleeing the scene on foot.

We start a street-by-street search. At the intersection of Park Row and Trunk, we observe a black male fitting the general description barefoot walking in the street. We stopped beside him and got out.

I observed blood on his shirt and asked his name. He said, Leroy Reeves.

He admits that he shot the child. I tell him he is under arrest and start to cuff him. He admitted that he and his wife had been fighting over money and that he went to the bedroom and returned with his shotgun.

A radio check confirmed a long arrest record for drugs, burglary, and assault.

We take him back to the scene to get further information from his wife and confirmation that he is the person. Driving up, she sees him in the backseat of the squad car and starts running towards the squad car, screaming for us to kill him, that he did not deserve to live. We leave.

For the first time and the only time I ever remember, I get out my Miranda card and quietly read him his rights, and then I asked him if he had shot the child. He again admits that he had. We booked him into jail, for attempted murder and injury to a child.

The child died later that evening.

I reflect later on the death of the child. I wish I could have prevented or intervened before her death. It is a sad loss. No doubt the man will reflect for years to come on the instant he pulled the trigger and ended the life of his baby girl. Such a senseless argument.

There is a lesson here about anger and how easily it gets out of control.

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A Word to the Wise

9-16-2023 – A Word to the Wise – The highest kind of love has its root in humility. It is not difficult to learn the first part of mature love. That love which is able to deny self and care for the welfare of others. Particularly does this love come naturally when expressed for loved ones. Some even may feel genuine love and concern for humanity in general.

But when we get to the kind of love that is able to love our enemies, we find we are over our heads. Here we find it necessary to have a deeper, stronger character than we have ever imagined. This type of love demands strength that is only acquired through humility.

Who is my enemy, one might say. Everyone who opposes the cross of Christ Jesus. Whether that be husband, child, mother or father, or even self at times. Every attitude or behavior, regardless of the owner, that challenges the Lord is an enemy of the Lord. How is that enemy treated? Better than mother, or father, brother, and sister. Where does one get the strength, the courage, the stamina, to stand against evil? Those traits flow from the quality of humility.

Humility can only be established by our personal relationship with God. When I behold God as my creator and really feel the significance of being the created, the honor of God becomes real, the acceptance of self-inevitable. Out of all of this comes the humility that enables me to love my enemy.

Humility gives one a sense of worth because it has its roots in one’s relationship with God. Now many confuse feeling worthless with being humble. However, there is no spiritual relationship between worthlessness and humility. Every man has his own gifts of God. To deny them, to call them worthless, would be to defame God. Humility is knowing whom and what you are before God.

Test what I say. Love your neighbor as yourself. Now if you are worthless, you would see him also as worthless, but if you see your worth, then you can also acknowledge his. This is a very basic step in gaining humility.

Many people have such a case of inferiority, though, that they are afraid to approach humility. Inferiority, like worthlessness, is unrelated to humility. God never said man was worthless — he said he was helpless. He never said we were inferior, rather he created us superior to all of his creatures. That superiority is not for the purpose of ruling over but to care for and protect.

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A Word to the Wise

9-15-2023 – A Word to the Wise – I came across a letter from my very wise mother that I would like to share. It was written some fifty years ago, yet still carries a profound message.

It is important whether our mates are able to fulfill our needs. In fact, are we able to receive our needs?

Some never learn to receive. To accept we are incomplete humbles us– to reach out and accept (not take) our needs teaches us humility.

If we have not learned how to receive; humbled ourselves to the point of acceptance –we may well perish in the very presence of it.

The first 12 years of our lives are given almost wholly to receiving—any failure in this pattern must be corrected.

So question yourself. How did you receive? Or did you ever really receive. Every day brought some good gifts or bad gifts—how did you receive them?

Did you feel I want none of these things—they do not fill my needs—I am starving for_______ what?

If you receive them, is it possible, they would have been like a surprise package. Lo, perhaps your need had been hidden inside all the time.

Why does the scripture say, “It is more blessed to give than receive? Remember, if you only read words, they condemn; if you understand, they give life. Christians not understanding, or twisting this scripture will become hard empty starved people. They have nothing to share because long ago, they closed the valve through which they receive.

Jesus was a channel through which God the Father flowed. We can never differ from Jesus. Only be like the same channel—a channel is open at both ends that which is permitted to flow in becomes the fruit as it flows out.

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A Word to the Wise

9-12-2023 – A Word to the Wise – THE ACQUISITION OF MERCY: Why And how

Patience is obtained through endurance of unpleasant situations or circumstances. How often I hear, “I will not ever pray for the Lord to teach me patience again.” Usually, this follows a very trying experience. The person is unwilling to undergo the character training necessary to produce the character quality of patience.

The character quality of Mercy is obtained in much the same manner; however, it involves the experience of significant pain, emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual. Acquiring Mercy is very painful. Not long ago, I was explaining to a client the painful process necessary if one was to develop the trait and its benefit to others. The individual let me know quite bluntly they had no desire to acquire Mercy, they would do just fine without it. How unfortunate. It reminds me of the rich young ruler who came to Jesus wanting to be a disciple. Once learning the cost, he decided to choose a different path.

So, it is with Mercy. Perhaps we should offer a glimmer of insight into the benefits of the merciful before we count the cost. Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, tells us that the one who is merciful will obtain Mercy. We will see something of the value of that blessing shortly.

Recently there was a film release, which symbolizes just how important Mercy is in the lives of others. Stephen King’s popular serial released book set in Louisiana circa 1935 was adapted for film in 1999. It portrays a death row prisoner John Coffey found guilty of murdering two nine-year-olds. Coffey is discovered holding the bodies of the children in his lap. Coffey, played by Michael Clark Duncan, a huge 7-foot 330-pound black man awaits execution on what is known as the Green Mile. Paul Edgecomb, played by Tom Hanks, is one of the guards responsible for his eventual execution.

The central thought for us is how the trait of Mercy is portrayed. A miraculous element is suggested; however, I believe that this ability is obtainable and useable by those who desire to make the necessary sacrifices. The cycle displayed in the movie is reminiscent of the actual stages of a Mercy employing these abilities experiences.

First, Mercy observes one hurting. The source of the pain may be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. Second, Mercy places himself in contact with the person hurting. Three, Mercy takes the pain off the other person. Fourth, there is an awareness on the part of the Mercy that a transfer of pain has occurred and that they are now hurting. Fifth, the Mercy then goes through the process of giving up the pain to the Lord. Sixth, deep fatigue sets in. Seventh is the recovery stage.

These different stages are necessary for Mercy if he is to successfully reduce the suffering. Each stage requires training brought about by a lifetime of painful experiences, and an unselfish willingness to take another’s pain. Now why would anyone want to go through all of this pain? Is it worth it? God’s Word tells us that this is exactly what Jesus did for us and leaves us with the example that we might do it for others.

Who are those most apt to develop these skills? First of all, those who have been given the gift of Mercy which represents about 30 % of the general population. Second-born children are another group representing a large segment of society who tend to desire this trait. A combination of the two, one possessing the gift of Mercy and second-born individuals, makes the ability very intense. Material on the Motivation Gifts gives more details on all seven gifts, particularly the gift of Mercy.

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A Word to the Wise

9-8-2023 – A Word to the Wise – MORALE

Man can analyze the evil of the heart because it is of his own devising. He cannot replace it with good, because this is God’s, and He gives to whom he finds worthy. Those who believe in Him are the worthy.

Often, we look to others, or good circumstances to provide us with morale. However, morale is not a gift. It cannot be injected by people. It is earned by acquiring more personality assets and by learning to cope with our liabilities.

Confidence comes when we do battle and succeed. It comes when we accept the challenges of life instead of running away from them. It gains strength when we lick our wounds after a defeat and return to the fray. It goes down when we grow morbid and bathe in hostility and self-pity. It rises when we confront ourselves and accept our limitations and given potential, despite these limitations.

Morale built any other way by praise and circumstance is nothing but a pumped-up flat tire. There is no real strength of character within to hold it up. The world will not do it—and God will not let them. We must grow into it by living and being what God expects of us.

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A Word to the Wise

9-4-2023 – A Word to the Wise – WHEN MARRIED TO A FOOL

On occasion, I am in a counseling situation where the spouse is foolish. This presents a series of difficult problems. Knowing how and what to do and what not to do is imperative.

Note there is a difference between calling a person a fool and knowing they are one.

The type of fool we are going to focus on here is represented in Scripture by two very similar Hebrew words with similar characteristics.

The traits by which they may be identified: they reject truth, are complacent, prideful, mock others, and they will not listen.

It is this type I am addressing when I speak of fools in a marital relationship.

Scriptures which define them:

1. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. (Proverbs 18:2)

2. It’s an honor to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be arguing. (Proverbs 20:3)

3. Fools give full vent to anger. (Proverbs 29:11)

In my experience, those who live in a marital relationship with one spouse having some or all of these traits- the other spouse often makes serious mistakes in how they interact with them.

The first mistake is in trying to reason with them. One is not able to reason with a person who will not listen. So, it is a violation of certain passages to try. My favorite passage addressing these situations comes from Proverbs 18:2: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding…” Therefore, trying to correct a fool is self-injury waiting to happen. I have seen spouses do this very thing over and over. It is almost like the spouse gets into a cycle and is unable to get out of it. They attempt to correct the foolish spouse, and they get stomped on every time. The bottom line, we need to take Scripture seriously if we are going to try to gain the wisdom God intends for us to inherit by living out His Word.

In connection with this wisdom, comes the added recommendations found in Proverbs 20:3, “It’s an honor to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be arguing.” The directions are clear -do not allow yourself to get involved or react to this type of behavior. I think one might take even further steps in dealing with these situations. In my opinion, one should not even accept gifts from foolish spouses. To do so, invites retribution, for if the foolish person behaves in this manner verbally, they most certainly will throw up to the other spouse any gift given past or present. So it’s wise to not accept gifts from them.

Additionally, it is not wise to take to heart any praise from a fool. If you do, I strongly suspect you will gag at some point on their words. When I say ‘do not take to heart’ I do not mean you need to say anything to them that reflects your rejection, just do not believe what they are saying. Do not depend on it, or take it at face value. Again we find in Proverbs 25: 19, “trust in a faithless man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slides.”

So how do you reply wisely to foolishness- whether it’s a spouse or, for that matter, anyone? I am so glad you asked me! First, one must know what the difference is between a wise reply and a foolish reply.

Here is a very simple test that works most of the time. If you say something to a person and with a prideful, dismissive attitude, they disagree, and argue, all the while justifying or defending themselves- then whatever you said was foolish. If, on the other hand, you say something to the other person, and they are speechless, then what you have said is wise. I have seen how practicing this works in many situations with my clients.

Next is a principle that Jesus refers to in the Sermon of the Mount, in Matthew 5:25. The first part of the verse says, “Agree with your enemy quickly”. For its practical use, know that the very best response to a person who curses you finds fault with you, or speaks against you is to agree with them. You need to recognize that you are not agreeing that they are right, only that you agree, that is what they think. You will be amazed at how quickly this puts an end to conflict.

I need to address one more serious problem, and that is when foolishness turns to violence. In past generations, women believed and, in many cases, were wrongly told by people in authority, that they were to allow themselves to be physically abused by their husbands. Any woman who believes this nonsense is, to put it bluntly, a fool. Not only does this belief harm her, but it is has devastating consequences for her children. Additionally, it allows the husband to continue sinning grievously before God.

In our society, to allow physical or emotional abuse is a direct violation of scripture! What Scripture? Romans 13:1ff “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore he who resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad.

How is that relevant? Virtually every state has laws against family violence. These laws are for our protection, and to violate them or refuse to report violence goes against Scripture. Thus, if you reject the Lord’s method of dealing with the abusive spouse, then the consequence is on you.

In summary:

DO NOT ACCEPT GIFTS FROM AN ANGRY SPOUSE

DO NOT ACCEPT PRAISE FROM AN ANGRY, ABUSIVE SPOUSE

DO NOT GIVE EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN FROM THIS THIS SPOUSE.

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A Word to the Wise

9-2-2023 – A Word to the Wise – September 1, 2023

I was thinking earlier this evening, I wish I could live never sinning again, whether by thought, word or deed, sinless, would that not be wonderful? The immediate though that came to mind, the result, or consequence would be I would no longer need Jesus. I do not hate my sins now, rather hope in the saving power of my Lord to forgive and renew me.

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