Christian Family Services Ministry

9-10-2018 – A Word to the Wise:  We have been addressing love. And have defined real love as the ability to love the unlovable, as Jesus expresses in Luke 6. In contrast to these simple words I have seen a great evil in many of the marriages that I have worked with. It is the tendency to think that we have the God given right to possess our spouse. This trait leads to cruel attempts to control and possess another.

What is possessiveness? Human possessiveness is a misplaced sense of ownership. No one in any relationship owns another person.

Husband denotes relationship, not ownership. Wife denotes relationship not ownership, and so it is with each relationship mother, brother, sister, or friend. The deepest yearning in every human being is for a “sense of longing” but it must be fulfilled in God. If it is displaced to a person it spawns much unhappiness. This makes a happy marriage impossible because it cannot function in the manner God intended; “As one flesh.”

A simple example might serve to illustrate our point. The arm functions as a part of us but suppose we tied it behind us none of the body could function normally.

The human being was meant to function in many relationships but if tied to only one then none of them will function properly. Possessiveness will cripple and eventually destroy all relationships. Possessiveness is a part of jealousy, knowing this opens our eyes to Solomon’s warnings. In Song of Solomon 8:6 we read …”jealousy is cruel as the grave;…” and again in Proverbs 6:34 …”jealousy is the rage of men …” Why rage ? Because man imagines he owns another that something that is his is being taken from him. The truth is that he is the thief. He has taken that which was God’s, and that which is ordained of God to others.

Perhaps the most telling indictment of jealousy comes from Proverbs 27: 4 when the writer says, “Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming; but who can stand before jealousy?” The only productive biblical examples to be found of jealousy are those expressions of God’s toward his creation.

However, the world denies God’s ownership of his creatures. Man attempts to acquire ownership by glamorizing the idea of “belonging” in marriage. The Lord never intended for men and women to belong to each other. God meant for a man and woman to function together in harmony as one just as the parts of our body function in harmony. This is the mystery of the “one flesh.” It was to make vivid harmony and the togetherness of cooperation; not of ownership.

Just as we do not think of our arms and legs as “belonging” to us neither should we think of our mate as belonging to us rather, as being a part of us.

At this point one might wonder, is anything mine? Yes, there is something which is ours; love, kindness, gentleness, and consideration, sent out from the heart, not to own, but to treasure, to hold close to our heart and kindle with our love and our respect, this is ours.